Britney Spears continues to open up about her estrangement from her teenage sons.
The 40-year-old pop superstar shared several audio messages through Instagram on Saturday night (September 10) about the emotional toll of being rejected by her boys Sean Preston, 16, and Jayden, 15, who she shares with ex-husband Kevin Federline.
“Since they’ve been gone, I’ve honestly felt like a big part of me has died,” Spears says during one of five short clipwhich also spanned topics such as past AA meetings, therapy with horses and her terrors 13-year conservatory.
Federline told that Daily mail in early August, that the former couple’s sons had avoided their mother in recent months and that they had a hard time dealing with her nude photos on social media after the end of her conservatory. Jayden also recently spoke out in an ITV interview about his mother’s parenting and not attending her recent star-studded wedding to longtime beau Sam Asghari.
“Like, literally, I have no purpose anymore,” the “Hold Me Closer” singer continues in the minute-long audio clip. “They were my joy, they were my everything. I looked forward to seeing them, that’s what I lived for. And then suddenly they were gone. I thought, ‘Did my heart just stop beating?’ Honestly, I don’t understand how it’s so easy for them to just cut me off like that. I don’t understand.”
Spears points out that she “used to have my kids at one point way more than” Federline, whom she was married to between 2004 and 2007. “People don’t remember that part because they always focus on the negative. But from the time they were 6 to 9 years old, I had them 70% of the time.”
In another sound clips, the pop star addresses claims that she uses social media to gain attention. “Now when my kids claim she’s not good enough, she wants attention,” she says. “Yes, I want to be heard and I’m angry. And I kind of subconsciously want to offend people because I’ve been so offended.”
Spears ended her thoughts by sending well wishes to her two sons. “All I know is that my love for my children is more than anything and I’m sorry if I ever hurt you in any way,” she says. “I was told you blocked me. But I want to speak here. … I’m so blessed to even call you mine and I just want you to know I’m sorry.”
Listen to Spears’ audio recordings on Instagram below.