How to be sexually creative according to 6 experts
Written by: Kelly Martin
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Published on: July 28, 2022
We asked six sex experts, lawyers and founders one question: How do you get sexually creative?
We got six different recordings. About creativity as the driving force behind good sex, sex as fuel for creativity, mixing it up with a lover, mixing it up alone, sexting, sex toysand the erotic power of a wandering mind.
Lilly Sparks
the founder of the ethical porn platform Afterglow
“It took a divorce to discover my own sexual creativity. I had been in a relationship with my girlfriend in high school, I didn’t orgasm, and I knew that sex could be much better than the sex I was having. I had to have a sexual awakening. Along the way I was inspired by some really cool sex educators. I did my first guided masturbation. It blew my mind how our sexual energy is related to our health and happiness. There is a connection between sexual satisfaction and speaking our mind, be in touch with our intuition and engage in creativity.”
Kiana Lewis
pleasure counselor knows Expansive group
“There are many great tips I could give, like trying different times of the day or a new position, or why don’t you use this wedge to change the angles between your bodies? But the little details make a big difference too. Let’s say you’re in a routine with a partner and you have a few ways you typically have sex. If you’re usually focused on the physicality of each other’s bodies, do what you usually do—but try to focus more on your own breathing. If you’re someone who’s usually pretty quiet, play with what it’s like to moan. If you’re typically relatively quiet, how can you use your hands to explore someone else’s body? It’s not about to falsify it or act for another, but to do so to increase your own pleasure.”
Alicia Sinclair
certified sex educator and
founder of Le Wand
“To me, sexual creativity is really thinking beyond stereotypes. We think vibrator, we think clitoris. We think dildo, we think it goes in a vagina. I want to take a fresh look at things that I might have had more solid boundaries around in the past. So what’s been cool for me is mixing and matching. Vibrators feel good on the penis, on the perineum, on breasts, and between different body types. And for the longest time I was a wand, but lately I’ve I picked up our Double Vibe and you know what? I might be a Double Vibe person now.”
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Penda N’diaye
founder of Pro Hoe
“Pleasure isn’t meant to be tidy, bound, linear, or predictable. It’s messy. So I trust my own curiosity. I use masturbation as a tool to discover new pleasure points. I’ve incorporated stimulating lubricants to ignite new sensations. And with a partner, I love sexting as foreplay – it’s a sexy way to communicate the attitudes, toys and eroticism you want to introduce into your experience.”
Gina Gutierrez
co-founder, president and chief creative officer of Dipsea
“I recently gave a TED Talk about the relationship between sex and fantasy, and in it I talked about how sex is as much about the mind as it is about the body. Inside our minds we are free to fantasize about whatever we want. What we fantasize about and what we want to happen in reality are not always the same. Breaking that myth gives us permission to exercise much more sexual creativity—and with much less self-condemnation.
“Creativity comes when we have time to think. Sexual creativity is no different. So instead of doomscrolling the next time you’re bored, try telling yourself a sexy story. You’ll have fun, you’ll learn more about yourself, and I promise that no one around you will be the wiser…”
Alexandra fine
sexologist and managing director and co-founder
of Women’s products
“Sex itself is a creative force. When we can enter the erotic state and see the interaction as a creative dance that two people are doing—or even if you’re doing it on your own—the imagination overtakes you. And you let it energy pulling your mind to different places. It’s really adult play. I get to growl at my partner and pretend I’m a cat — which I totally do.”
Related reading on goop
If it feels challenging to access presence and play during sex, check out advice from two sex therapists get out of your head during sex and how to get out of an intimacy rut. We have also collected a small library books on how to have great sex, whatever that means to you. And we believe that whatever gender is on the table can be made better with really good toys. To that: ours complete guide to using a vibrator.
