What Selena Gomez shared about her psychotic episode, living with bipolar and overcoming suicidal thoughts

Few celebrities have shared as much detail about their mental health issues as Selena Gomez has My mind and me. Filmed over six years, the documentary showed what Gomez endured privately as she retreated from the public eye, including a terrifying episode of psychosis in 2018 that led to a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.

Here’s what the documentary and Gomez herself revealed in interviews promoting the film about bipolar disorder and what she’s done to deal with it.

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Gomez detailed what her manic and depressive episodes are like.

IN My mind and meGomez revealed that she received her bipolar diagnosis after suffering an episode of psychosis in 2018. To Rolling stonesshe explained in more detail that her manic and depressive episodes have been similar.

“I want to be very open with everybody about this: I’ve been to four treatment centers,” Gomez said. “I think when I started hitting in my early twenties, that’s when it started to get really dark, when I started to feel like I wasn’t in control of what I was feeling, whether it was really good or really bad.”

Ups and downs could last weeks or months at a time, and she couldn’t identify their triggers. As Rolling stones wrote: “Sometimes she couldn’t sleep for days. She would be convinced that she had to buy a car for everyone she knew, that ‘I have a gift and I wanted to share it with people’ – a symptom of mania complicated by the fact that in her case it was somewhat true.”

At the low levels, “it would start with depression, then it would go into isolation,” she said. “Then it was just that I couldn’t move from my bed. I didn’t want anyone to talk to me. My friends would bring me food because they love me, but none of us knew what it was . Sometimes I would be in bed for weeks when even going downstairs would leave me out of breath.”

Gomez canceled her Revival tour after 55 shows because her mental health became so bad that she contemplated suicide.

At that point, Gomez make a statement said she ended the tour to deal with her lupus along with anxiety and depression. The documentary showed her taking her blood pressure before shows and living with the autoimmune disease while on tour.

“As many of you know, I disclosed about a year ago that I have lupusa disease that can affect people in different ways,” she said People in a statement on August 30, 2016. “I have discovered that anxiety, panic attacks and depression can be side effects of lupus, which can present their own challenges. I want to be proactive and focus on maintaining my health and happiness and have decided that the best way forward is to take some time off.”

The documentary painted the grimmer reality that is happening.

As her former assistant Theresa Mingus explained in the film, “At one point she says, ‘I don’t want to be alive right now. I don’t want to live.’ And I’m like, ‘Wait, what?!’ And it was one of those moments where you look into her eyes and there’s nothing there. It was just pitch black. And it’s so scary. You’re like, ‘Fuck this. This has got to end. We’re going home.’ “

Her friend Raquelle Stevens added: “We had to have a really serious conversation with her about ‘what’s going on?’ Her answer was also like this: ‘I don’t know. I can not explain it. I wish you could feel what it feels like to be in my head.’ I just remember it being very chaotic and her hearing all these voices. They just kept getting louder and louder and louder, triggering some sort of psychotic break.”

Gomez addressed his suicidal thoughts in her Rolling stones interview, saying she never actually tried but “spent a few years thinking about it,” the paper wrote.

“I thought the world would be better if I wasn’t there,” she said.

Gomez’s psychiatric hospital stay in 2018 was prompted by her having an episode of psychosis.

In October 2018, TMZ reported that Gomez was hospitalized twice for low white blood cell counts. People reported at the time that Gomez was undergoing dialectical behavior therapy for anxiety and depression after suffering a panic attack at the hospital during her second visit. “She’s had a tough few weeks and the panic attack in hospital was the turning point,” a source told the newspaper. “She realized she needed to seek additional help for her ongoing emotional issues. She is surrounded by close family and has a lot of support. She is doing better now and is seeking treatment on the East Coast.”

Gomez, her mother Mandy Teefey and friend Raquelle Stevens revealed in the documentary that Gomez suffered from psychosis.

Teefey, co with whom Gomez had a strained relationship said at the time, “We heard about her mental breakdown through TMZ. They called me and wanted to know what my daughter was doing in the hospital with a nervous breakdown. She wanted nothing to do with me and I was afraid, that she should die.”

“You hang on as best you can and try to help them with their treatment and that’s the hardest thing to do, then just go to bed and hope they wake up the next day,” she added, crying. “It’s a miracle she got out. But there’s always the fear that it will happen again, and it hurts us so much.”

Stevens added, “If anyone saw what I saw in the state she was in the mental hospital, they wouldn’t have recognized her at all, and I was devastated because psychosis can last from days to weeks to months to years to life.”

Rolling stones‘s cover story covered Gomez’s memories of her time there and that she began hearing voices in 2018. She “only remembers snippets of this time, but she knows she ended up in a treatment facility where she spent months suspended in paranoia, unable to trust anyone, believing they were all out to get her . Her friends have since told her she was unrecognizable during this period,” the paper wrote.

Gomez said she found herself slowly “going out of psychosis,” she said. She was diagnosed with bipolar back then and was on a lot of medication as doctors figured out what worked for her.

Gomez didn’t want to go to a mental hospital, but knew she had to to save herself.

Gomez said in the documentary: “I found out that I have a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. I’ll be honest: I didn’t want to go to a mental hospital. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t want to be trapped in me anymore myself and my mind. I thought my life was over. I thought this is how I will be forever. That’s why I tell people I have the best friends and family, especially my mom and my stepdad Brian, because I shouldn’t have spoken to them the way I did,” she added, crying. “I shouldn’t have treated them the way I did sometimes. And they know it wasn’t me, so when I wake up the next day they tell me what happened, but they explain to me that they say, ‘Look , I know it’s not you talking. And we’re really worried, and you know, just know that we love you. We don’t see anything different from what was last night until now. But if I talk about it with them, I just say it over and over. I say I’m so sorry because I remember certain things I did and I was so mean. And like to this day, I keep saying thank you and I’m sorry for everything I do and they’ I always think when we figured everything out, it made so much sense, Selena. You are the best you’ve ever been and we’re so glad we get to see it. And we would never ever give up on you. And they haven’t, when they’ve come so many times, they probably should have.

“When I first came out, I didn’t know how I was going to cope with my diagnosis,” she added. “What if it happened again? What if I didn’t come back next time? I needed to keep learning about it. I needed to take it day by day.”

Gomez worked with a psychiatrist after her residency to get on the right medication regimen, after feeling she was “off” taking all the drugs she was originally on.

At first at the facility, on all the drugs doctors gave her to try to treat her newly diagnosed bipolar disorder, “I was just gone,” she said Rolling stones. “There was no part of me that was there anymore.”

When Gomez left, she found a psychiatrist who “realized she was on a lot of medications she shouldn’t have been on and took her off all but two.” Rolling stones wrote.

“He really guided me,” Gomez said. “But I basically had to detox from the medication I was on. I had to learn to remember certain words. I would forget where I was when we talked. It took a lot of hard work for me to (a) accept that I was bipolar, but (b) learn to deal with it because it wasn’t going to go away.”

Gomez’s bipolar medication may prevent her from being able to carry children on her own.

Gomez addressed the very real effect that treatment for her bipolar disorder has on her future as a potential mother Rolling stones. Staying on the two medications she must take for bipolar disorder “means she likely won’t be able to bear children of her own,” Rolling Stone wrote.

“It’s a very big, big, present thing in my life,” she said, adding that she’s confident that “wherever I’m meant to have them, I will.”

You can see My mind and me on Apple TV+ now here.

If you or someone you know is at risk, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text HOME to 741741 to leave a message with a trained crisis counselor from Crisis Text Line free. You can find more resources on their website here.

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