99 Get to Know Questions: From Dating to Happily Ever After 2022 | FashionBeans

When it comes to dating, the pressure is on. It only takes a tenth of a second to form an impression of a stranger, according to Princeton researchers. And that’s before you’ve even opened your mouth.

Once a first impression is made, all you have left is your conversational skills. And this is the hard part. But Harvard researchers have found that the best way to make a good impression is to simply ask a question.

Once you’ve made up your mind what to wear on a first date, one of the difficulties is knowing how serious to be with conversation or how light to keep things. You don’t want your date to start crying into their spaghetti after opening up about their darkest childhood secrets, but science has given us good reason to delve a little deeper than small talk if you really want to make a lasting impression.

In 1997, an academic paper gave the world 36 questions it promised would make a person ‘fall in love with someone’ when asked on a date. In 2015, one New York Times Article about the survey and the questions – many of which were quite intimate and personal – went viral. The whole idea behind the questions was to create closeness between two people and for the participants to ‘enjoy getting close’ to each other. A shortcut to romance and intimacy, in other words.

So here are some questions that will really help you get to know someone, whether it’s light-hearted banter on a first date or deep, meaningful conversations about life with your spouse.

Before you meet

Chances are you met your potential partner on some app. The goal here in the virtual world is to keep the conversation light and fluid – and get an idea of ​​where to take your date. You want to create excitement and anticipation, not give anyone cold feet.

If possible, come up with some conversation topics that you can expand on later in the week when the date rolls around. You’re not going to make anyone fall in love with you here, so leave your 36 questions at the door and keep things relatively simple.

– What is your favorite place to spend a night on the town?

– What should you drink on a night out?

– How is your week going?

– If you could jump on a plane right now, where would you go?

– If you could be any person for a day, who would you be and why?

– Are you a dog or cat person?

– What do you work for?

– Where do you live?

– What is the best meal you ever had?

– Beer or wine?

– Is there another place in the world you would like to live?

Small talk

Chitchat

The first half hour of a date is all about loosening up, breaking any tension and just…getting…through it. It’s important to keep things light-hearted, the conversation natural and fairly general, so you can gauge each other’s personalities before moving things on to something more groundbreaking.

The Harvard researchers discovered that those who ask more follow-up questions during a conversation instantly become more likable, so if your date responds positively to your initial questions, why not hit back with another related question to give them the opportunity to expand? It shows that you are interested in what they are saying and are interested in hearing more. In the meantime, try these as starting points.

– So, Tinder is weird, isn’t it?

– What’s the worst pickup line you’ve had on the app?

– How was your day?

– What have you put up on Netflix?

– Where did you grow up and how long have you lived here?

– Who do you live with?

– Where did you go to school?

– What do you like to do at the weekend?

– Have you been on holiday lately? Are there trips coming up?

– Do you have any siblings?

– Was there a job you always wanted to do as a child?

After a few drinks

After a few drinks

At this point in the date, you’re both loosening up and (hopefully) starting to feel comfortable around each other. You’ll want to open up the conversation to a few anecdotes, and get into some meatier conversations so you can get to know each other now that the nerves are starting to settle.

Your first impression will well and truly have been made at this point, according to the Princeton study, but you can improve your stock by continuing to be interested in what your date has to say.

– What thing do you wish you had invented?

– What type of music do you like?

– What was the last good movie you saw?

– If you weren’t in your current job, what would you be doing?

– What are you better than 90 percent of the population?

– What advice do you tell other people but are stupid to do yourself?

– What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on?

– If you had to eat one cuisine for the rest of your life, what would it be?

– Are you a good cook?

– Do you prefer swimming in the sea or the pool?

– If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

When you are relaxed in each other’s company

Couple enjoying date

You’ll both have a pretty good idea if there are sparks at this point, so all you can do from here is have fun and make it a night to remember. It’s time to turn up the conversation a bit before the last order.

– What thing are you most grateful for in life?

– What is your dream job?

– What is your biggest fear?

– What is the most spontaneous thing you have ever done?

– How close are you to your family?

– If you could give your younger self one piece of advice, what would it be?

– What is your favorite part of your hometown?

– And what do you hate most about it?

– Who is the most interesting person you know?

– What would you do with your free time if you didn’t have to work?

– What would you like to be known for?

– Have you ever had a fist fight?

Packaging

Paying the bill

Unfortunately, all good dates come to an end – and now is the time to leave a good impression. It’s about striking a balance between not wrapping it up too abruptly, and not letting the goodbye linger so long that it becomes awkward. You don’t need to overcomplicate it, just be natural – you’ve already done the hard work.

– Do you have any exciting plans this weekend?

– Can I collect the bill?

– How do you get home?

– What did you think of this place?

– Would you like to meet again?

– Where are we going?

Second date

Couple enjoying date

If the first date went well enough, the second date will sneak up on you before you’ve even recovered from the nerves (and hangover) of the first. In fact, in a survey of 1,000 couples by dating app Coffee meets Bagel, 77 percent of people organized their second date while on their first date or the day after. So don’t get stuck.

It’s important to keep the momentum and the conversation flowing as well, so there’s a third. Here are a few ideas of what to ask to pick up where you left off.

– How was your week?

– What has been the best thing that has happened to you since we last saw each other?

– Have you read anything interesting this week?

– If you could go anywhere in the world on a date, where would it be?

– What is a misconception people often have about you?

– If you could change one aspect of yourself, what would it be?

– What annoys you most about dating?

– If you could only keep one possession of yours, what would it be?

– Are you spending your money on something you shouldn’t?

When things start to get serious

Meeting parents

Okay, we’re skipping a few dates here. But what happens when you and your date start to move beyond the dating phase, and actually move into a full-fledged relationship? Are there specific questions you still need to ask? Well, by now you should know each other pretty well, but there are still improvements to be made. Perhaps you have not yet met the family or been introduced to the parents; maybe you should brush up on friendship groups and who’s who when you really become a part of each other’s lives.

– Which parent are/were you closest to?

– Which family member would you go to in a time of need?

– Were you ever tempted to follow in your mother’s or father’s career footsteps?

– What is your earliest childhood memory?

– What is the most embarrassing thing your parents have ever said to you?

– Would you change anything about your relationship with your family?

– Who is your most treasured memory with your best friend?

– Have you ever had a massive falling out with a close friend and why?

– What is the worst thing a friend has ever done to upset you?

After an Argument

Couple arguing

The dreaded, all-judgmental, all-too-common reality of long-term relationships: arguments. They are a fact, and in fact, if you do them right, they are actually healthy for your relationship.

In a study, the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan found that people who argued regularly (ironically) were actually less stressed during their day—supposedly because they released their tension gradually rather than letting it build up to a bigger problem. But what questions should be asked to solve it?

– How does it make you feel when we argue?

– Do you want your own room for a minute?

– What do you think it is that makes us quarrel?

– How can we avoid it next time?

– What should I do differently?

– Is there anything you’re bottling?

– Are we okay?

– What are we going to do together tomorrow?

Before you move in

Couples move in together

Assuming you got past the above paragraph (and the argument), you might find yourself moving in with your partner. This is no small step, and it’s one that will likely raise many questions in the build-up to it happening and beyond.

This is a big test of the relationship that will either make it or break it – you can’t exactly move out, live separately and stay together as if nothing ever happened. Now is the time to address not only the practical questions of moving in, but also whether you see the same future together. There are some biggies here.

– It’s a big move – are we ready for it?

– Do you think we want to discuss the fact that several people are in the same room all the time?

– City or country?

– Do you want to be close to your family?

– If there was one compromise for your life situation, what would it be?

– What is your dream piece of furniture?

– Are you ready for jointly owned cutlery, tea towels and furniture?

– Pets or no pets?

– Do you want kids? And if so, when?

– Where do you see us living in the future?

Keeps it interesting in the long run

Keeps it interesting in the long run

Congratulations, you’ve made it through the dating assault course and the relationship minefield, and you’re in for the long game. Yes, you settle down, but that doesn’t mean you have to take your foot off the gas – it’s important to keep things interesting and continue to push and inspire your partner, and vice versa.

That doesn’t mean waking them up every morning reciting a new Chaucer verse; rather go out now and again (remember the early days) and keep challenging each other and asking interesting questions. It will keep you on your toes, which is a good thing.

– If you could redo one year of your life, which would it be and why?

– If you were to die tonight, what would you say to me?

– Do you have a secret you’ve never shared with anyone?

– Am I doing enough?

– Have you ever thought about sleeping with someone else? Gosling does not count.

– What is your biggest regret in life?

– What will our next big holiday be?

– Is there something you would like to do but feel we can’t?

– Have you ever not done something that you wanted to and still can?

– What is the happiest you have ever been?

– What big plan should we make for the next five years?

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